Living in fear of love.

My whole life I've desired a romantic love - one where I meet someone and get swept off my feet - one where we don't fuck and decide to stay together, but where we want to be with one another and that desire eventually transforms into affection and intimacy.

Unfortunately it would appear gay love does not follow the same route as hetero love.

For one thing, it's almost impossible (or perhaps impossible) to find another man who feels about this matter as I do. Even the one guy with whom I had the most meaningful relationship thus far; it started with fucking. Fucking that turned out to be more than just fucking, but thusly rooted none the less.

Along this route of lust-based encounters there is always the fear afterwards. What if I have contracted something from this person? I've had the unpleasant experience of a sexually transmitted infection once - I'm lucky it was only that - but who knows, one day I may not be so lucky.

Yet it would seem that there just isn't another route when it comes to finding gay love. I guess men being what they are - horny buggers - it's unavoidable that this would be the general state of affairs for homosexuals.

It's a shame, but I may have to start accepting it and playing the game according to those rules.

Bugger.